i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
