My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
