dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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