Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
