look no pants
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
