Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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