A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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