shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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