Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
