Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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