The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
