According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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