return my video game
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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