i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
