u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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