He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
