I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
