just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
