I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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