I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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