On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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