that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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