a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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