Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
