her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
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You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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