Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize