dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
