I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
