Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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