I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
