My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize