he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
