You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
