I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Four minutes until I can fart!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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