I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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