apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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