Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
