Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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