I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Acid is not a monday night drug
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
