Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
God I need to hump something, right now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize