I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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