Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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