Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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