he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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