I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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