I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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