This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
