i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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