im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm at about main and main street
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
