C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Damn victory sex feels great
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