all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
