i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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