Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
