And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
