so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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