Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
