drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
