Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize