you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
