There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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