I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize