Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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