i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Pants are for mortals
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
