JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
