Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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