I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're a waste of cheezeits
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Your penis caused this!
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