I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
