i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
