i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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