smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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