Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
