i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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