I want to stick my p in your. b.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
