I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
