thus making me awesome and them whores
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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